The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
