Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The air was thick with penises
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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