well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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