sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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