I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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