Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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