At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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