When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
