Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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