She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
