I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
