My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Sorry about my life...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
