Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
