every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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