So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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