I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
420 ftw
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
