hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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