I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
