drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize