is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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