Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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