i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
