i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
