the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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