Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm really busy with my period
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