You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
