Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You ruined the universe
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
