were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
