Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
