Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
