Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
