Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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