Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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