I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
