If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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