Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
