Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
