did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
