I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
