It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize