im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
