Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
