i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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