I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
