I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
