so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
