He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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