Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
