I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
