White coat. Heels.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
