Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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