maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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