so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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