Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
