He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
