Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize