Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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