i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
