someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
