yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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