the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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