he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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