Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
