Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
