The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
