I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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