i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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