I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
