Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
