need another drink. this is the easiest way
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
