My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
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