i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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