i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
