I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
