pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
