Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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