yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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